Monday, June 7, 2010

Twittering Through Time

Like most of the internet-enabled world, I’ve been swept up by the whole online communication craze. Take Facebook, for example. Facebook has put me back in touch with friends I’d lost track of and feared I’d never find again. I can passively peek at their lives to check in (and up) on them, and can choose to interact often, seldom or never. It’s kind of a friendlier version of “Big Brother.” I get it.

The whole Twitter thing, though…that I don’t get. Oh, I suppose it’s useful for instant dissemination of critical information to the masses…such as a meteor hurtling toward Earth or a George Clooney sighting at Starbucks. But beyond that, people’s fascination with what others are doing, eating, thinking or feeling at any given time creeps me out. I don’t want to be ‘followed’ on Twitter any more than I want to be ‘followed’ in real life (unless it’s by the aforementioned handsome movie star). Nor do I think that my daily comings and goings would be of any interest to the rest of the world.

But it set me to thinking…what if instant, worldwide communication via Twitter had been available since…say, the beginning of time? If we looked back at the Twitter Archives, what historical events would we discover had been unknowingly foreshadowed?

To that end, I offer the following, which I’ve titled:  

Famous Last Tweets: 

“I am so exhausted! Those stupid Greeks can’t build worth shit – the wheels on that wooden horse are crap! We’re all spent from hauling it through the gates. Man, am I gonna sleep good 2nite. Will deal with it in the morning."   sent by TroyBoy at 10:43pm 4/23/1184

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“Show sucks but can’t sneak out. Tired of weirdo across the theatre that keeps staring at me. Think I’ll flip him off…”  – sent by HonestAbe at 5:20pm  4/14/1865

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“Damn! Stuck on crow’s nest duty while there’s a party below deck! Nothing 2 look at up here and it’s FREEZING! Guess I’ll play some Farmville on FB...”   – sent by TitanicDude at 11:32pm 4/14/12

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“OMG, I am like soooooo stoked about kicking some ass at Little Bighorn in the morning!” – sent by GeneralC01 at 9:00pm 6/24/1876

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“Arrgghhhh! I finally get a chance 2 take an afternoon nap and that stupid rumbling wakes me up! The weather 4casters suck, they said nothing about thunderstorms…Going to put in earplugs and go back 2 sleep!” – sent by PompeiiPaul at 1:10pm 8/24/0079AD

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“Thanks 2 my buddy 4 the suggestion to vacation on Oahu, soooo much nicer than the ‘big island’! Man, it’s a beautiful morning on the Harbor! The sky is so clear. Wow, I can see airplanes waaaaay out over the ocean….”  sent by HonoluluHal at 7:44am 12/7/41

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@Moses2U: “Look, you’re really starting to piss me off. If I let YOUR people go, I have to let EVERYBODY’s people go…give me ONE good reason why you think you’re so special...” – sent by MePharoahUnothing at 2:15pm 6/12/1890BC

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@Adam01: “Seriously, are all men so helpless? I don’t care what you pick, just bring me back something from the garden that I can make in to a pie already!” – sent by EdenEve 3:45pm 00/00/00

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“Weird weather day, must be big storms someplace nearby! Guess I’d better hop on the old broom and get a ride in befor”     transmission interrupted, sent by WitchOTheEast  12:14pm

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“Airships suck! No smoking rule all the way across the Atlantic is bullshit! We’re finally about 2 land, but I can’t stand it any more – I’m sneaking out 2 lite up! Shhh!” – sent by BlimpRider – 7:24pm 5/6/1937

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“WTF??? Idiot neighbor is still out building on his stupid boat even though it’s pouring down rain! What a maroon…” sent by Matt24:39 2:15pm  1/14/2300BC

7 comments:

magolla said...

you are so bad!
I don't get tweating either.

Amber said...

My stats are showing it's not that awesomely beneficial either. I'm just along for the ride until it "twitters" out, hopefully sooner rather than later.

And, I didn't count, but I'm thinking some of your archived tweets have surpassed the 140 character mark, which is the essence of twitter ;)

Jody said...

So...BerBer....you have NO problem believing somebody on the Hindenburg has internet and twitter access, but you can't suspend disbelief further to stretch the character limit rule?

Verrrrry interesting........ :)

I actually haven't ever tweeteed (other than after eating Mexican food) so I was unaware of the character limit, but as you know, it's an artist's right to take creative license with these things.

Jody said...

Margie,
You should know by now that I'm when I'm good I'm very very good and when I'm bad I'm amazing.

Amber said...

Nope, but one cannot discount the 140 character limit as it is ultimately what makes the platform so obnoxious to use, and will eventually be the downfall of proper spelling, complete sentences, and, likely, the entire English language :)

Jody said...

2 late.

Have you listened to people talk or read what passes for 'writing' these days? Yes, I'm sure you have. The English language went to hell in a handbasket a long time ago.

I am fortunate to have friends who actually are great writers (you're one of them) to keep me from going out and loading my grammar gun with spelling shot and pummeling people with proper punctuation.

Amber said...

I think we should start a facebook game: Grammar Police, you get points for publicly outing repeat offenders.