I didn't write the music, but I am The Master when it comes to bastardizing lyrics. I'd like to apologize to the composers and original performers of the following songs. I'd LIKE to.....but if the shoe fits......
To the Tune of “Winter Wonderland”
Where's my truck
I can't find it
What the fuck's
All this white shit?
You can't see the grass
It's a pain in the ass
Riding in a winter wonderland!
Gone away is the pasture
Haven't seen it since last year
There's horses out there
They're buried somewhere
Out there in that winter wonderland
We'll just have to hibernate all winter
Cancel all your outdoor plans til May
Make some extra money in the meantime
And rent your horses out to pull a sleigh
Forecast said shouldn't worry
Just a chance of a flurry
"Partly cloudy", alas is now up to my ass
Riding in a winter wonderland
-----------------
To the tune of “Love me or Leave me”
This damned stuff is killing me
I can’t stand this cold you see
Tell me now, ‘cause I’ve got to know
Whether this weather will stay or go
Turn up the heater and fetch me a sweater
It’s the west coast, WTF’s with this weather?
If I wanted winter I’d move to the freakin’ North Pole
You might think December’s the right time for white time
But I’m not the Christmas-y cold snowy night kind
I’d rather be bitchin’ than hitchin’ my horse in the cold
There’ll be no fun unless unless there’s some sun and sooooooooooooon
I’m just waiting and hibernating ‘til Juuuuuuuuuuuune
If temperatures keep heading in this direction
You weathermen better get witness protection
For I hate the mud and the rain and the snow
and the ice and sleet and the cold winds that blow
My pain is your pain there’s no fun for nobody else
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